Does this end?

​At this point I feel like I’ve had enough

I’m not going to lie, I speak and sing about Christ like He’s working for me but I know nothing’s going well

I’m living a lie

I’m feeding people the hope I do not have for myself

I mean, at some point this summer I actually felt God and there was some progress but it seems that was only temporary.

For just one second, I felt whole. But He flew right through me.

The feeling of my heartbeat is only sickening because I know right now, I’m merely existing. I don’t know what it means to live. I don’t know what life is.

I feel like a liar whenever I sing about calling upon God’s Name and getting answers but I’ve realized I keep writing about such only because that’s what I want to happen. For once.

I mean if God is who He says He is, why doesn’t He just take over?

I’ve asked

I keep asking

There’s nothing I can do all by myself.

But there’s nothing He has done for me.

Yes, He keeps me alive but what’s the point of having a broken heartbeat?

Why do I have to go through so much pain like I’m the only one who deserves to be hurt.

Why does it seem like every problem was given to me to bear on my own?

Why does it always feel like God plays favorites?

Why afflict a girl of my age with this much hurt?

What is it I’m doing wrong? I need to know.

Cause if it will never get better, then what am I doing here?


7 thoughts on “Does this end?

  1. I feel like I wrote most of these words.
    This is the easiest way to feel to be honest and I don’t have all the answers you need but I’ll tell you this hold on; when you’re tired ask for strength from God to do so. The end to this is coming and soon you’ll be singing victoriously.


  2. It will get better. Like pain isn’t permanent, so it happiness. The good thing is we ac change how we feel about anything. It all balls down to how you want to feel. Thing might not be going fine, but you can choose to be optimistic. It doesn’t mean you should deny how you feel,but you can accept it and at the same time accept the fact that things are actually going to get better. Life without hope isn’t a worth living. Read my article ‘He knows’ hopefully you would find something there to ease your pain.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I feel like you met me before writing this. Every word I say, song I sing, Bible verse I quote is only to make me believe it can haapen to me. I don’t necessarily preach by example and the pain and hurt I go through everyday is unbearable. But this is the good news: God doesn’t give us something we can’t handle. He is always by our side if we actually decide to open up to Him truly. Decide not to listen to the evil one and declare you’ve had enough of all this. You are victorious. remember, You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you. God bless you.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I can relate totally to this, but one thing I want to say is that just hold on, it may be hard but God is right there, even in those times when we feel most alone. It might not make sense now but God’s plans for us are good and He won’t go back on His word.

    Liked by 1 person

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