At this point I feel like I’ve had enough
I’m not going to lie, I speak and sing about Christ like He’s working for me but I know nothing’s going well
I’m living a lie
I’m feeding people the hope I do not have for myself
I mean, at some point this summer I actually felt God and there was some progress but it seems that was only temporary.
For just one second, I felt whole. But He flew right through me.
The feeling of my heartbeat is only sickening because I know right now, I’m merely existing. I don’t know what it means to live. I don’t know what life is.
I feel like a liar whenever I sing about calling upon God’s Name and getting answers but I’ve realized I keep writing about such only because that’s what I want to happen. For once.
I mean if God is who He says He is, why doesn’t He just take over?
I keep asking
There’s nothing I can do all by myself.
But there’s nothing He has done for me.
Yes, He keeps me alive but what’s the point of having a broken heartbeat?
Why do I have to go through so much pain like I’m the only one who deserves to be hurt.
Why does it seem like every problem was given to me to bear on my own?
Why does it always feel like God plays favorites?
Why afflict a girl of my age with this much hurt?
What is it I’m doing wrong? I need to know.
Cause if it will never get better, then what am I doing here?