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When I Am Isaac

I want my name to bring laughter to the lips of all people.

Not the mocking laugh, for if that was the case then I suppose I have already reached that goal.
Not jest, not scorn, but joy. True, heartfelt joy. For I will be a desire of nations and a source through which many will live in abundance and hope in the Lord Jesus Christ.

For now, anxiety is still my middle name.
I still shiver when I remember the world doesn’t end today.
My mind cannot contain the agony that is carried along with the reality of only God knows what’s ahead.

I’m filled with unforgiveness that I’m trying to make disappear.
I spit vile and evil words from the thoughts that stick out from the brim of my messed up and uncontrollable mind
If I ever do write anything positive, it is only to counter the darkness I’ve already penned on paper.
In other words, I write in reverse.

REVERSE. Literally. I want to be reversed. Rewritten. Rescripted. Remade. Reloved.
I ask for a redemption of the forgotten lyrics and rhymes in this once beautiful but now heartwrenching song.

Before I allow anyone be a part of this melody, I always like them to hear the first and last few words of the song first.
For if you let just anyone hop in on the ride before knowing what it entails, they’d opt out halfway through and leave singing your pain to the rest of the world in a mocking tune.

Soon, tides will turn.
And I will be given another verse to sing, another chapter to live.
My smile, words, and heartbeat will all be in sync.
No facades, no pretense.
Then my name will beΒ ISAAC. In other words, “laughter”.

 

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